I deleted Hinge and the League because I wasn’t attracted to the user base. I barely use the remaining apps except for when I’m traveling, or in those darker moments of fear of being alone forever. In closing, all I’ll say is this: In a world where our technology is telling us all of the places to go, things to eat, content to read, and now people to meet and with whom to fall in love, let us not forget to ask the people we already know and love to set us up.
Those moments generally occur after negative experiences with love and lust, yet I know intuitively that moments of scarcity aren’t exactly great times to attract the right type of person and partner. What I’ve found to be beneficial is checking in on my feelings every time I use the apps and every time I go on a date, whether from apps or from other means. (If that’s what we want, of course.) I set up my best friend from college with her husband (I met him through a guy I was seeing at the time whom I had met at a dinner party). And if you’re not willing to ask to get set up, or you don’t want a committed partnership, I’d offer this bit of advice: Mind your time on the apps.
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And recently I spent two unexpected hours with my widowed older sister, exchanging stories about our equally hilarious and frustrating shared experiences from the very same apps.
As it turns out, maturity of age doesn’t necessitate mature behavior.
So where does that leave a person conscious of her time and attention, but also looking for partnership and love in the age of apps? Reflection has led me to far better perspectives than mindless swiping. Count how many minutes or hours you’re using them each week, and take some moments to reflect on how you feel.
Ask yourself if the dates you’ve been going on have made you feel more alive, or a little dead inside.
Out of at least 60 different attendees, exactly one couple went on a date (and two guys became best friends, so I don’t feel bad about that).
And then, the universe played a wonderful cosmic joke upon me: The one person I met and was interested in at our very own holiday party was not, in fact, single; he didn’t realize it was a singles group.
I then found myself on assignment at the media company for which I worked, to research the dating market.
So I was early on How About We (RIP), Grouper, Tinder, Hinge, the League, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel.
I’ve been dating online for the better part of the past decade.
I joined OKCupid at the ripe young age of 23 when I moved to Brooklyn in 2009, after a particularly negative experience meeting someone the old-fashioned way.
And most pertinently, I’ve done the work outside of the app sphere to figure out what I personally want and how I want to be in a relationship. A dear friend of mine and fellow tech-centric writer and creative, Lori, coined the term “appstinence,” for when we go through spurts of either deleting the dating apps or not using them at all.