A couple that can laugh together, even mid-row, is in a healthy place. Developing a relationship with yourself, deepened by solitary pursuits, hobbies and taking time out from work and relationships, will pay huge dividends with your partner.
You will come back to the relationship refreshed, more able to express your needs (as you’re more likely to know what they are).
But if you can exercise forgiveness in small ways at the start of a love affair then you’re more likely to find ways to forgive the bigger hurts and transgressions, if and when they happen. There are good rows and bad rows but make no mistake – everybody argues.
Ridiculing or humiliating each other is not a good idea, or a good omen.
But if you can both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you and why, you are more likely to understand each other better.
It can feel easier to avoid being honest if we feel that could be hurtful, but it is only with honesty that trust is built, and trust is the essence of a good relationship. There are different qualities to sex at different stages in a long relationship: first, passion; the urgency of reproductive sex; snatched sex in the early years of parenthood; then the slower intimacy of midlife onwards.
Given silence in which to speak or rant, they’ll say more than they meant to – even more than they knew they were thinking.
It can be surprising and revealing and paves the way for honesty.Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be. Expecting someone to be everything you need and everything you are not is a recipe for disaster.We all make mistakes, particularly in our love-lives, as relationships are never easy.So often, things can be resolved by learning to listen. When you have kids you adore, find time to be just you alone so you remember and remind each other of who you were before they arrived, who you are now, and who you will be when they are gone.It’s natural that attention shifts to the children, but it’s a good idea to remember why you are together, and have a child together, in the first place.When we start a relationship we like to feel in control, powerful even – to protect ourselves from the vulnerability that comes with opening up to a lover.